"When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve.”
Well...and that’s how I know I love you...
[The following is a compilation of thoughts over the course of our time together throughout this family trip]
From when I first saw you, I had the biggest crush on you for the longest time, and everyone knew it. Overtime I saw that being with you was something I just couldn’t attain. It was so hard to let go. It took much time at first, yet I still have feelings for you to this day. Back then, mutual friends told me that if you didn’t realize my feelings for you, that you didn’t deserve me. That I was too good for you. I believed it. And I was able to let go.
We disappeared out of each others’ lives for quite some time. Our mutual friend’s and families’ began to grow close. Everyone regarded each other as cousins. Even so I miss those days when all our parents used to find any excuse to have a party or get together. I hope that we can carry on that tradition when these troubled times pass.
When we started to spend all this time together, I was hit with this wave of emotion from the past…
When I heard about it, yet alone saw it with my eyes, it hit me. I still care about you so much. These complete strangers… something that I had longed for since I had met you.
It made me sad…
But at the same time angry. At you, myself, or them? I don’t know.
Maybe all of the above. But most of all, myself.
After seeing you like this theses past several days, it worries me. Though I knew it to some degree, I worry about you more.
It hurts me to care so much about you, and do so little. I guess that’s why I stopped caring after a while. Knowing that you could care less about me.
I’ve always wondered if anyone thinks about me like I do for everyone else. I often find myself reminiscing of people I care about. Perhaps there is, but who knows. I’ve always wanted to disappear and see what it’s like for everyone else. If I really make an impact on anyone’s lives.
We share so many memories together… good and bad.
Whenever you would take my hand, I would be so happy. I felt like I was at home. I think I could die happy if I could just have one kiss. Just one, and I’ll disappear…
Maybe then I can let go. Perhaps not… I care about you too much. So so much. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much, let alone read this…
I thought you were perfect for me. Young lust. So young and naïve. Over the years our relationship wavered, for better, for worse. I remember much of it. All the little things. Things that are most likely lost to you in the past.
You’re the longest love I’ve ever had and I will always remember you. I want to keep you in my life one way or another.
I care about you more than you will ever know. More than I understand. It’s just the way I am. I can’t help it.
I am always confused as to what your feelings for me are. At times you can show much affection towards me or treat me as a complete stranger.
I know that deep down you may still hate me. Despise me. I understand the things I did in the past… foolish. I was young. I’m sorry.
I think I understand you now. You live in the moment. Everyday is different. The only thing that remains the same is your passion.
Carpe Diem.
We’re simply too different from one another. I value things that most people don’t think of.
But hey, that’s just me.
Matthew 7
Sometimes I stare up at the lonesome sky because I feel so abandoned at times, and wonders if anyone cares anymore.
Sometimes I stare up at the lonesome sky thinking about her, hoping she's ok; wondering if she's thinking about him.